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WWJB....What Would Jesus Buy?

Tue, 08 Jan 2008 20:28:49 GMT

Evangelical Christians, among all people of faith, seem excited to purchase products that reinforce their religious values, according to a marketer cited in a December Denver Post report, with the result an explosion of Jesus-themed merchandise such as Jesus riding a bull, surfing and playing soccer, Jesus air-fresheners and Grapes of Galilee wine.

(Among the tackier products, according to a November report in London's Daily Telegraph, are "thongs of praise" underwear with an image of the Madonna and child, and a template to place on a bread slice in an oven to create toast with the Virgin Mary's likeness.)

[Denver Post, 12-22-07; Daily Telegraph (London), 11-25-07]

TODAY'S TURDS

Thu, 20 Dec 2007 20:03:16 GMT

Mayor Ken Williams resigned in Centerton, Ark. (pop. 2,146), in November and revealed that he is actually Don LaRose, an Indiana preacher who abruptly abandoned his family in 1980 because, he said, satanists had abducted and threatened him, and brainwashed him to rub out details of a murder he supposedly knew about. He said his memory returned only recently, thanks to truth serum. [WSBT-TV (South Bend, Ind.), 11-22-07]

Mesa, Ariz., police arrested Sebastian Mancilla, 41, in November after a security camera at Mervyn's department store caught him being not too subtle in looking up the skirt of a female shopper. According to an Arizona Republic reporter, citing a police source: "At one time Mancilla approached the woman from behind and laid down on the floor to look up her skirt. He then got back to his feet and continued to act as if he was shopping." Mancilla allegedly tried again with the same woman, dropping to his knees, but to no avail, as the woman walked away. [Arizona Republic, 11-12-07]

A court in Preston, England, convicted Akinwale Arobieke, 46, of violating an earlier court order by doing the same prohibited behavior: He accosted a man in public at a mall and fondled his bicep. [Lancashire Evening Post, 11-14-07]

NOW THAT'S ITALIAN !

Tue, 04 Dec 2007 20:35:54 GMT

In October, Italy's economic minister, noting that a third of all men over 30 still live with their parents and that rental housing markets are depressed, proposed a tax break worth the equivalent of about $1,400 for each man in his 20s who will finally leave Momma's house. [Reuters, 10-5-07]

A week earlier in Sicily, one mother publicly turned her adult son over to the police for staying out too late, and also took away his house keys and cut off his allowance. The son, who immediately complained that the allowance was too small, anyway, is 61 years old. [CNN-Reuters, 8-2-07]

NOT EASY BEING GREEN....(when you're DEAD)

Tue, 27 Nov 2007 21:01:41 GMT

As an alternative to burial, cremation is no longer green enough, say environmentalists, because it releases smoke and mercury, and thus the industry is considering "promession," in which the body is frozen in liquid nitrogen to minus-320 degrees (F) and then shaken until it disintegrates into powder. For green burials, the United States has at least six cemeteries that require biodegradable casings and for bodies to be free of embalming chemicals. The Forever Fernwood cemetery in Mill Valley, Calif., goes even further, according to an October Los Angeles Times story, banning grave markers, but, said the owner, "We issue the family a Google map with the GPS coordinates" so they can find their loved one. [Los Angeles Times, 10-28-07; Evening Standard (London), 10-10-07]

I'M A TREND-SETTER !

Wed, 14 Nov 2007 21:45:42 GMT

In Hyannis, Mass., in September, an 18-year-old high school student was charged with possession of marijuana, which police said he was smoking out of an apple. [Cape Cod Times, 9-25-07]

Oh the memories. I introduced this little trick to my High School buddies 30+ years ago. Apples, pears, cucumbers. Bananas will not work, too soft. The fruit/vegetable cools the smoke. When you're done with your smoke, simply cut the apple into slices and share with your friends. Next week's lesson is the "Beer Can Pipe".

Have a nice (drug free) evening, Trace

URBAN CAMOUFLAGE ?

Tue, 06 Nov 2007 16:51:06 GMT

Crime-fearing female pedestrians in Tokyo can soon protect themselves with fashion designer Aya Tsukioka's skirt that opens into a realistic-looking (except made of fabric), full-size vending machine that she hopes thugs will pass right by. It's one of several fanciful crime-avoiding creations of the genre that Japanese inventors are noted for, according to an October New York Times dispatch. Another, the "manhole bag," resembles a sewer covering when laid on the ground but can hold a person's valuables, again provided that the thug passes it up. Yet another is women's wraparound sunglasses that are extra-dark so that even shy, eye-contact-avoiding females can stare unobserved at potential perverts in trains to guard against the ubiquitous groping. [New York Times, 10-20-07]

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Okay, now my dumb question: If the first design (vending mahine) is so realistic, what is she goana do when I start trying to shove quarters into whatever slot I can find?

WHAT'S IN A NAME?

Thu, 01 Nov 2007 10:25:14 GMT

Convicted of murder in a home invasion, Mr. Andrew S. "Junebug" Warrior (the "S" stands for Sweetie) [Tucson Citizen, 6-30-07]

(Tucson, Ariz., June). Discouraged by school officials from attending a Catholic school because of his name, the 5-year-old Max Hell (Melbourne, Australia, July). [Fox News-AP, 7-9-07]

Arrested for stealing three rolls of toilet paper from a courthouse, Ms. Suzanne Marie Butts (Marshalltown, Iowa, June). [KETV (Omaha, Neb.), 6-9-07]

Leading a fight in the Kenai Peninsula Borough (Alaska) Assembly to defeat a term-limit rule, Assemblyman Gary Superman (Soldotna, Alaska, September). [Anchorage Daily News, 9-21-07]

Arrested on more than 30 counts of child pornography facilitated by peering through bedroom windows, Mr. Jeffrey Ogle (Vallejo, Calif., August). [Napa Valley Register, 9-1-07]

My own entries (actual people I've known): Jack Justice- Police officer. Milo Bean- Farmer.

Add your own humorous names!

SOMEBODY'S BIATCH??

Mon, 29 Oct 2007 18:33:32 GMT

We all sell ourselves to our employers, but....this is going too far. Or is it? I wonder what it pays to put on the dress?

Hmmm........................?

Junior New York City hedge fund trader Andrew Tong charged in October that his boss forced him to take female hormones to dampen his aggressiveness, which the supervisor said was leading him to make bad trades, according to a CNBC report.

In his lawsuit against Mr. Ping Jiang (a big-time trader who reportedly earns $100 million a year) and employer SAC Capital (one of the biggest hedge fund names on Wall Street), Tong claimed further that he was harassed and even sexually attacked, and had started wearing dresses.

[CNBC, 10-17-07; New York Post, 10-11-07]

YOU CAN'T FIX STEWPUD

Fri, 19 Oct 2007 14:48:18 GMT

Frederick Cronin is challenging the suspension of his New Hampshire driver's license, claiming that his blood-alcohol reading (0.13) was not properly obtained. State law calls for two readings, with the second 20 minutes after the first, and Cronin claims that his second test was administered too soon. During the 20-minute period, he said, he had burped, and state law requires the 20-minute delay to restart following any "vomit[ing], regurgitat[ing] or belch[ing." However, in June, a hearing examiner accepted the ticketing officer's testimony that Cronin never "belch[ed]" but rather emitted only a "dry burp," which the examiner described as air emanating not from the stomach but from closer to the mouth. [MSNBC-AP, 9-12-07]

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Convicted sex offender Paul D. Brunelle-Apley, 26, was arrested again, in Madison Township, Ohio, in September, when his attempt to make up with his 14-year-old girlfriend came to public attention. According to police, Brunelle-Apley was seeing another girl on the side (age 15), and in a display of remorse, he delivered flowers and a teddy bear to his main girlfriend while she was in class at Madison High. [Star Beacon (Ashtabula), 9-10-07]

The NEW Hillbilly justice!

Thu, 11 Oct 2007 19:02:01 GMT

Not Our Fault: Dennis and Betty Hager filed a lawsuit in Wilmington, N.C., in July against the school system for causing them emotional pain and suffering by not stopping the love affair between their 16-year-old daughter and the school's married, 40-year-old track coach. However, the Hagers have already signed a form (to satisfy state law) to allow the daughter to marry the coach. [WNYW-TV (New York City)-AP, 7-11-07]

DIDJA HEAR THE ONE ABOUT THE CONGRESSIONAL PORN COLLECTOR?....NO, REALLY !

Mon, 08 Oct 2007 16:31:38 GMT

YA' THINK FOLEY, CRAIG AND A FEW OTHERS ON THE HILL SPENT SOME TIME IN THE "RESEARCH LIBRARY"? ~ Tracy

Ralph Whittington, 57, retired in 2000 as curator of the main reading room at the Library of Congress, but was better known as the "King of Porn" for his private collection that he recently sold (500 boxes' worth) to the Museum of Sex in New York City.

Whittington's home (which he shares with his mother, after his wife left him) was, before the sale, "packed to the rafters," said the Museum's buyer to The Washington Post in August. "Downstairs, you had to walk sideways to get through the rooms." Said Mom, "It's something he loves. You see men his age going to bars or on dope. But he [was] home day and night [indexing and cross-referencing]. That [gave] me peace of mind." [Washington Post, 8-24-07]

DRIVE THROUGHS--BILLIONS SERVED (only two killed)

Sat, 06 Oct 2007 14:15:13 GMT

Surprisingly Complicated: A 24-year-old woman in Lawrenceville, Ga. (in July), and a 59-year-old woman in Lincolnton, N.C. (in August), were killed after failing to negotiate driver's-side devices allowing them entrance to, respectively, a gated parking lot and an automatic car wash. The Georgia woman had leaned out her window to insert a card into the gate-opening machine when her car lurched forward and pinned her head between the car and the door. The North Carolina woman had reached out her open car door to punch in a code for the wash when her car lurched forward, similarly pinning her head.

(Police in both cases said that the cars should have been in Park.) [WSB-TV (Atlanta), 7-26-07] [Charlotte Observer, 8-8-07]

OH IRONY, WHERE IS THY STING?

Wed, 03 Oct 2007 14:52:51 GMT

Some Americans continue to prefer to "do it themselves" to get rid of pests on their property, with tragic results. In June, Mike Harstad of Jamestown, Calif., attempting to eliminate a wasps' nest with a can of Pledge and a cigarette lighter, ultimately burned down his mobile home and contents and destroyed an outbuilding, a truck, a boat and a trailer. [MyMotherLode.com (KVML-AM, Sonora, Calif.), 7-1-07]

In August, a Whitehall, Pa., man, William Sekol, 82, attempting to destroy a yellow jackets' nest beneath a storm sewer grate in his front yard, put a dried tree over the grate, doused it with gasoline, and lit it (supposedly to suffocate the yellow jackets underneath). However, some gasoline ran into the sewer, where its fumes combusted. In the resulting explosion, Sekol's mustache and eyebrows were singed. [Allentown Morning Call, 8-7-07]

READERS DIGESTION

Tue, 02 Oct 2007 10:52:16 GMT

Just when Internet newspaper sites appear to be gaining ground as replacements for printed editions, a 70-year-old woman identified only as Maggie told the Edmonton (Alberta) Sun in September that her paper edition of the Sun is a crucial part of her daily diet, literally. She eats it, in strips, and has, she said, for the past seven years because it tastes good. "I can't explain it," she said, and it was only when she recently experienced a blockage of her esophagus, and doctors found a ball of paper, that she revealed her obsession. Doctors cited by the Sun said that except for the blockage danger, newspaper eating is not unhealthful. [Edmonton Sun, 9-5-07]

ILLEGAL MESSAGE FROM GOD

Sat, 29 Sep 2007 14:16:43 GMT

In February, Estrella Benavides had been sued by the city of San Mateo, Calif., for refusing to clean off the words that she had written in big lettering all over the outside of her house, even though she said those messages had been dictated by God.

In August, she similarly wrote all over a second home she owns, in Belmont, Calif.

For those readers seeking the word of God:

"Help worse crime ever; evil + out of mind: from Bush to neighbors using witchcraft + technology against people not belong to their religious group."

HAS GOD BEEN DRINKING AGAIN? ~Tracy

A POLISH ANDY CAPP?

Fri, 28 Sep 2007 16:32:29 GMT

Australian rugby league player Ben Czislowski, 24, complaining of an eye infection and pain in July, was found by doctors to have, embedded in his head, a tooth belonging to opponent Matt Austin, with whom he had violently collided in an April match. Austin also lost several other teeth in the collision. [BBC News, 7-17-07]

EMBARRASED TO DEATH?

Thu, 27 Sep 2007 19:48:33 GMT

I'm not afraid of death, I just don't want to be there when it happens. ~ Woody Allen

A Lake Charles, La., man was killed in August by a single gunshot, which was explained by Sheriff Tony Mancuso: "(The man and his girlfriend) were engaged in consensual sexual behavior involving a firearm when the firearm was discharged, resulting in his death." [KPLC-TV (Lake Charles), 8-2-07]

A 60-year-old female rancher was killed in August in Mitchell, Australia, when a 10-month-old male camel (recently arrived as a birthday gift for the woman) apparently mistook her for a female camel, knocked her to the ground, and lay on top of her in what one camel expert said "no doubt" was "sexual" behavior, crushing her with his 330 pounds. [CBS News-AP, 8-19-07]

You have to go to other people's funerals, or they won't go to yours. ~ Yogi Berra

WHY NOT ME, LORD?

Tue, 25 Sep 2007 18:06:53 GMT

The periodic Christian Nudist Convocation took place in July at the Cherokee Lodge nudist camp in Tennessee, and according to a dispatch in Nashville Scene, the group evokes skepticism not only from most Christians (who dislike the flaunting of naked bodies, even if innocently done) but from most Cherokee Lodge members, who see them as too intense for naturism's laid-back attitude.

One CNC attendee acknowledged that many Christians would not approve of Cherokee Lodge, but to him "It's Jerusalem." Another compared his work at nudist camps to missionary work: "Some people get sent to Africa, some people get sent to South America and the Lord was like, 'I want you to go to nudist resorts.' And I'm like, 'Wow, what an assignment.'" [Nashville Scene, 8-2-07]

ANYBODY REMEMBER PAT'S MEMORY PILLS?

Mon, 30 Apr 2007 14:20:16 GMT

Still Waiting for Answers

Surely no one beyond a handful of the most self-deluded Republicans in Congress was surprised at the disclosure by George Tenet, the former intelligence director, that there was never a serious debate in the Bush administration about whether Iraq actually posed a threat to the United States.

It has long been evident that President Bush decided to invade Iraq first, and constructed his ramshackle case for the war after the fact. So why, after all this time, are Americans still in the dark about the details of that campaign?

For that matter, why don’t Americans know the full truth about Mr. Bush’s illegal domestic spying program or his decisions on how to handle prisoners of the war on terror? And now there are new questions begging for answers — about the purge of United States attorneys and about campaign pep rallies in executive branch agencies that might well have violated federal law.

For six years, the Republican majority in Congress ignored the administration’s power grabs, misdeeds and incompetence or, worse, pushed through laws that gave legislative cover to some of Mr. Bush’s most outrageous abuses of power. Now that the Democrats control Congress, they have opened the doors of government in welcome ways. But the list of questions just seems to grow.

We hope Representative Henry Waxman, chairman of the Oversight and Government Reform Committee, enforces the subpoena of Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice to discuss prewar claims about Saddam Hussein’s long-gone weapons programs. Ms. Rice, who was national security adviser before the war, says she has answered every possible question. Actually, we don’t have room for all our questions.

Just a few: Did she vet the briefing Mr. Bush got from Defense Secretary Donald Rumsfeld’s rogue intelligence shop on Iraq’s alleged efforts to acquire uranium? The Central Intelligence Agency and the State Department thought, correctly, that the report was false. So why did Ms. Rice permit the president to repeat it to the world? Or did Mr. Bush also know what he was claiming was wrong?

The same applies to other claims about Iraq, including a false report about the purchase of aluminum tubes for bomb building, talk of mushroom clouds and fairy tales about links between Iraq and Al Qaeda. When it became clear the intelligence was false, why didn’t Ms. Rice make sure the public found out? Before the war, Ms. Rice was not in a post requiring Senate confirmation, but she is now. If she refuses to testify, the House should hold her in contempt.

It is imperative for Senator John Rockefeller, chairman of the Intelligence Committee, to finish two remaining studies on prewar intelligence that his Republican predecessor, Senator Pat Roberts, had no intention of completing. The first, on the errors made by the intelligence agencies in predicting what would happen after the invasion of Iraq, is expected to be finished next month. The final piece of the report will compare what administration officials said about Iraq with the actual information they had. Both reports are essential for understanding how this country got into this mess. Mr. Rockefeller will have to make sure the White House does not drag out the declassification procedure.

And then there are the questions about the purge of federal prosecutors. There is mounting evidence that many of the eight fired United States attorneys were punished for refusing to prosecute Democrats on phony election-fraud charges. Who ran this purge? And is it true, as it now seems, that others were rewarded for bringing weak corruption cases timed to close races?

For the last six years, the White House has also conducted seminars in each election cycle that certainly seem like an effort to use government agencies to help G.O.P. candidates. Did they violate the law that forbids the use of federal offices for campaigning?

Karl Rove, Mr. Bush’s political “architect,” is at the center of both of these scandals. Congress needs to issue, and enforce, subpoenas to compel him and other top White House officials to testify.

Mr. Bush’s supporters are already arguing that Congress’s much-needed investigations are politically motivated and backward looking. Actually, the baldly political act was the Republicans’ refusing to do their constitutional duty of oversight for the last six years. Mr. Waxman said his panel issued four subpoenas to the Bush administration under Republican leadership. The same leadership issued more than 1,000 subpoenas to the Clinton administration.

As for looking back, Mr. Bush has hardly given up the habit of stonewalling Congress, or shown that he has learned the limits of his power. The war in Iraq not only continues, but Mr. Bush is escalating it and repeating many of the same myths about Saddam Hussein. The country does not need any more myths. It needs answers.